Memory Lane
by mtd4417
Summary: Take a trip down memory lane with an elderly Ziva as she revisits one of her most heart-wrenching memories.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello everyone! I'm going to start my next NCIS story. I am still working on For Better Or For Worse, and this story is in no way related to that one. I've just been thinking a lot about this idea, and I really wanted to give this story a try! So, here's chapter one; let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters. I own those whom I create!

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Emily DiNozzo woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of her alarm clock. It rang 5:30am, and she quickly turned it off and got out of bed. She wrapped herself in her robe and walked from her bedroom, downstairs, and into the kitchen of her house. She knew she would have to wake her kids up in a half hour to get them ready for the drive ahead, so she decided to enjoy her thirty minutes of silence by brewing and sipping a hot cup of coffee. While the strong smell filled her nostrils, Emily closed her eyes and enjoyed the sweet sound of silence. All that she heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall behind her. Emily sat at the kitchen table with her coffee and sipped it while looking out the window at the freshly fallen snow. Memories instantly flooded her brain as they always did when she was alone. Amidst the white snowflakes and the brittle tree branches, she clearly saw herself and Derek sixteen long years ago. A young couple in love. They had just moved to Pittsburgh from DC because Derek took a job offer. Emily had been hesitant to leave behind their families and take such a risk, but Derek had been persistent. In the end, without Emily's mother's approval, the couple had ended up in Pittsburgh.

"You're only nineteen years old," Emily's mother had said. "You are making a mistake!"

Of course, Emily had ignored her mother and said she was wrong. She and Derek were in love. Derek, three years Emily's senior, had promised that after making the move, he would become stable in his new job and they would buy a house, start a family, and live the American dream. It had sounded perfect to Emily; almost too good to be true. Sadly, at nineteen years old, most people fail to realize that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

Sure, everything was okay for a while. Derek was working a lot, so they were not in trouble financially. They had even put a deposit on a house. It seemed like their becoming a family was the only promise that Derek was having a problem keeping. He had yet to propose, and Emily was beginning to wonder if he ever would. She had gotten a new ray of hope when she discovered she was pregnant with their first child. It was a cold December evening when Emily told Derek, which is why winter brings back so many memories. Derek had acted happy with the news and had stood by Emily throughout the pregnancy and the birth of their daughter Raya. The three of them were becoming a family, though Derek had still not made the commitment permanent with a proposal. Two years later, Emily became pregnant again and had their son Collin. Now a family of four, Derek was no closer to marrying Emily than he had been when they left DC, and Emily was beginning to lose faith that they would ever say their vows. Sure enough, as time went on, Derek spent less and less time at home or with the kids and Emily's responsibilities grew overwhelmingly. She was practically a single mother with a boyfriend who came and went as he pleased. The time finally came when Raya was four and Collin was two. Derek told Emily that he was unhappy with their situation and he had met someone else which is why he had not been around home a lot. Derek left his girlfriend and children and hadn't been back since. It hadn't been long before Derek signed away his parental rights to the children and Emily changed their last names to her own, DiNozzo. Raya and Collin had lived the rest of their lives without seeing their dad and with very few memories of him.

Coming out of her thoughts, Emily noticed it was nearly six o'clock and was time to get Raya and Collin out of bed. She went back upstairs to retrieve her children, and fifteen minutes later after a large amount of griping and complaining about the earliness, Emily and her children were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"I don't understand why we have to be up this early," Collin complained as he aimlessly stirred his cereal.

"It's a long drive to DC," Emily replied. Raya let out a long dramatic sigh.

"What I don't understand is why we even have to make this stupid drive," she whined. "Why can't Grandma just move to Pittsburgh?"

"Raya, we go over this every time we go to visit her," Emily began in a rather annoyed tone. "She has lived in DC for over forty years. It's her home. Plus, she wants to be buried next to your grandpa when her time comes. He's really all she had here."

"Well he doesn't seem all that special to her. She never talks about him," Raya continued bitterly. "And it's weird when you call him my grandpa. I never even met him." Emily felt a pang of hurt in her stomach from her daughter's bitter words. She knew Raya was a teenager, but sometimes she was rude when it simply was uncalled for.

"I never met him either," Emily said. "And if I did, I don't remember. Your grandma didn't ever tell me much. She said the stories were too painful to relive. The way she always made him sound, though, he was a great man."

"Still doesn't seem _that_ special," Raya muttered into her cereal.

"Well he must have been very special to her. She never married after he died," Emily pointed out.

"Then why is her last name _David_ and yours is _DiNozzo_?" Raya asked rudely. Emily felt her cheeks turning red as her anger built up.

"Because she and my father were never married," she replied. Raya snorted and looked Emily coldly in the eyes.

"Guess that runs in the family," she spat. Emily felt her fury burst throughout her body and couldn't even think of what to say to her daughter. Raya stood from the table, appearing satisfied with herself. "I'm going to go get dressed."

"Put your bowl in the sink," Emily instructed shortly, stifling her anger. Raya rolled her eyes and walked upstairs, ignoring her mother. Emily sighed and took care of Raya's bowl as well as her own. She couldn't understand why Raya could be so hateful sometimes. Emily knew that she herself was never as disrespectful as Raya. Emily's mother would never have stood for that type of behavior.

"Are you almost finished?" Emily asked as she turned back to face Collin who was now just using his spoon to play with his cereal. He nodded and left to get dressed as well. Emily washed the breakfast dishes and went upstairs to get ready for the trip to DC herself.

Emily, Raya, and Collin had previously packed for the trip. They were only staying overnight because Emily had to return afterward to go back to work. Being a single mom, she couldn't afford to take an actual vacation to be with her mother over Christmas. She really missed her mom and wished that Raya and Collin had had a chance to grow up with their grandmother, but Emily had been insistent on remaining in Pittsburgh after Derek had left. She wanted to prove to her mother that she could make it on her own with her children. Aside from Raya's attitude, Emily believed she was doing a decent job and was proud of herself for what she had accomplished by staying in Pittsburgh. However, she still could never get rid of the desire to remain in DC whenever she visited her mother.

"Are you ready?" Emily called down the hallway to her children. They both answered from their rooms and shortly afterward they were loading up the car for the drive. Raya insisted on sitting in the backseat so she could stretch out, so Collin sat in front.

"Alright," Emily began, turning in the drivers seat to fact both of her children. "You know how important these visits are for me and for your grandmother. I know you don't particularly enjoy going, but please be on your best behavior while we're at your grandma's house."

"Whatever," Raya scoffed and rolled her eyes. Collin nodded his head. With her childrens' responses, Emily exited the driveway and began the drive to DC.

Hours later, Ziva David was sitting in a recliner in her living room awaiting the arrival of her daughter and grandchildren. Holidays were Ziva's favorite time of the year because she was reunited with the most important people in her life. She was so proud of Emily for working to provide for Raya and Collin on her own. Ziva had always known that Derek was no good for her daughter, but Emily had been stubborn. Ziva couldn't blame her; both of Emily's parents were rather stubborn themselves. Finally, Ziva saw Emily's car pull up out front through her window, and Ziva walked to the front door and opened it. She watched as Emily, Raya, and Collin got out of the car and she was in awe. Emily was beautiful. Her hair was long and dark, and her complexion was a bit lighter than Ziva's. Ziva's favorite of Emily's features was her eyes because they were the same eyes of Emily's father. They even sparkled the same. Raya also had long dark hair but she strongly resembled her father Derek. Collin, however, was a mini version of Emily's father himself. Ziva watched her family come up to the house and greeted them each with a big hug, blocking out the man she was just thinking of.

"Merry Christmas!" Ziva exclaimed to them, and they each returned the greeting. "Come on inside, I bet you are all hungry." Emily and her children accepted the offer and followed Ziva to the kitchen where they were greeted with the smell of turkey, mashed potatoes, and corn. As they ate, Ziva was using her time to catch up on her grandkids' lives; she was very interested in what they were involved with. Ziva also picked up on some tension between Emily and Raya, but she decided not to bring it up; Raya was always giving Emily problems.

"Thanks for the food, Grandma," Collin said sweetly when he had finished eating.

"You are very welcome," Ziva smiled at him. "Raya, Collin, why don't you two go on into the living room while your mother and I do the dishes. When we come in, we'll open presents." Raya and Collin obeyed and left the room.

"So, how was your drive?" Ziva began casually. Emily chuckled and leaned against the back of her chair.

"It was alright," she replied.

"Emily, do not lie to me," Ziva warned. "What is wrong with you and Raya?"

"She has attitude, Mom," Emily shrugged. "She always has attitude."

"But it's Christmas," Ziva said as she piled the dishes on the counter. "You would think this would be the one day you two could just get along." Emily sighed, wishing her mother was correct.

"We got into an argument this morning," she admitted as she walked over next to Ziva who had begun washing the dishes. Emily picked up a towel and dried them as her mother washed.

"About?" Ziva asked.

"It's...complicated," Emily replied. Ziva gave her a confused look, secretly asking her to elaborate.

"Mom," Emily began, "I really think that maybe you should tell Raya and Collin about their grandfather."

"Wow," Ziva sighed, laying down the dish that was in her hand. She was stunned by Emily's suggestion. "I was not expecting that."

"Well, it's just that they ask me questions about him and...I don't know how to answer them," Emily explained. There was a long silence. "You never told me."

"I know," Ziva said finally, picking up a plate to wash. She was quiet again, and Emily waited before speaking.

"Is there a reason for that?" she finally asked. "Did he do something bad?"

"No," Ziva answered quickly. "It is just that talking about what happened with your father is very difficult for me. In fact, I have never actually told the story."

"Well, Mom, maybe it's time that you do," Emily said gently. "The kids and I want to know, and I think we deserve to." Ziva looked into her daughter's eyes and knew that she was right. Emily's father was a wonderful man, and Ziva had to deal with the pain and tell the story. She owed it to her daughter and grandchildren.

"Okay," she relented. Emily smiled in relief at her mother's answer.

"Thank you," she said. Ziva nodded and finished the dishes.

"Is it time for presents?" Collin asked excitedly as Ziva and Emily entered the room. He was almost fourteen, but he was still just as excited about Christmas presents as he was ten years ago. Emily and Ziva couldn't help Collin's joy bringing a smile to both of their faces.

"Actually, we are going to wait a bit for that," Ziva said. Collin's face fell slightly.

"Why?" Raya asked with a bit of attitude present in her voice. Emily and Ziva both shot her a stern look.

"I do not understand why your mother puts up with that attitude, but I will not," Ziva said firmly. "And neither would your grandfather." Raya was shocked by what her grandmother added.

"Why did you randomly bring him up?" Raya asked, still with attitude. Ziva sat back in her recliner and Emily sat on the couch next to Collin.

"Raya, Collin, I know that you do not know much about your grandpa," Ziva began. "And your mother doesn't know much about him either. Up until now, I have not talked about him to you because it is just not easy for me to. But, you two are both old enough now, and your mother deserved to know the story _long_ ago. So, if you would like, I am going to tell you the story of your grandfather."

"What do you mean the story of our grandfather?" Raya asked. Ziva smiled as thousands of memories filled her mind instantly.

"The type of person he was, his job, our relationship, and...his death," Ziva replied softly, still thinking of her time with him and how it was cut short.

"I want to know," Collin said when his sister didn't speak.

"Okay. Let's go back thirty-six years," Ziva smiled as she began her story. There was no turning back. "His name was Anthony DiNozzo."

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**A/N:** There's chapter one :) This story will mostly be told in Ziva's flashback now. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! Please remember to review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! I hope you all keep reading and enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

Ziva was sitting at her desk one morning at work. She had woken up extraordinarily early that morning and had come in a couple of hours before the other members of her team were going to arrive. She actually didn't mind being alone at work, though. At least she knew she could focus on strictly her work and actually get some of it accomplished. Ziva and Tony had been partners for years, and she knew that he did take his job seriously, but she always found it so difficult to focus on work when he was there. That could be partially due to the fact that he was always talking or cracking jokes and was just distracting. But Ziva was starting to believe that there was a deeper reason than that...

The elevator dinged behind her, but Ziva refrained from turning around to see who it was. She felt her hopes fall slightly when she saw McGee round the corner and head to his desk.

"Good morning, Ziva," he greeted. "You're here early."

"I couldn't sleep," Ziva replied. "So I came in to start on some work early." McGee nodded his understanding while he put down his backpack and took of his jacket.

"No sign of Gibbs yet?" he asked. Ziva shook her head.

"No, but I expect he will be here any time now," she replied. McGee nodded and sat behind his own desk and pulled out some paperwork of his own. Ziva and McGee were working silently until the elevator dinged again fifteen minutes later and Tony arrived at his desk.

"Well it is about time you showed up," Ziva said playfully to her partner.

"I was running a little late this morning. I overslept and realized I had to go back to my own apartment because I'd forgotten something. It was a _long_ night," Tony added that last part with a wink and one of his signature smiles to which Ziva rolled her eyes.

"I am sure it was, Tony," she replied. She looked back down at her desk and accepted the fact that her ability to focus strictly on work was now gone for the day. Ziva was trying to continue with her paperwork, but instead her mind was wanting to focus on who Tony could have possibly been with the previous night. Why did she care? Why did it bother her when Tony made reference to other women?

"So, what's new with you, McGoo?" Tony turned his direction to McGee while leaning back in his chair.

"Uh-"

"Small talk's over," Gibbs barked as he came in carrying his coffee, as always. "Grab your gear; dead marine." Tony, Ziva, and McGee all hurriedly got their things together and headed for the elevator after their boss.

They arrived at the crime scene shortly thereafter which was a shed behind an old couple's house on the outskirts of town. Gibbs and his team walked over to the shed to begin their investigation. The dead man didn't appear to have any physical trauma and was just laying on the floor of the shed. Nothing in the shed had been moved. It looked rather puzzling from the beginning.

"Are you the one who found the body?" Gibbs asked the elderly man standing nearby.

"Yes, sir," the man replied. "Jack Fisher."

"Special Agent Jethro Gibbs," Gibbs said showing his badge. "Would you be able to answer a few questions?" Fisher nodded. "Alright. Why don't you start by telling me what happened."

"It's a very short story," Fisher began. "This morning, I came out to the shed to get my lawnmower. I opened the shed door and saw this young man laying on the floor. I was pretty shocked, but I went over to check his pulse; there wasn't one. I called the cops." Gibbs nodded and wrote Fisher's story in his notepad.

"Mr. Fisher, do you know this man?" Gibbs asked.

"No, sir, I do not," Fisher replied. "First I've ever seen him."

"So you have no idea as to why he would be in your shed?" Gibbs asked. Fisher shook his head.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he replied. Gibbs nodded, feeling slightly frustrated.

"Did you hear anything at all?" he asked. "Any loud noises or arguing or anything outside?"

"No, sir," the old man replied. "I didn't hear or see anything until I opened that door this morning."

"Is there anything missing from the shed?" Gibbs asked.

"No, sir," Fisher replied.

"Alright," Gibbs sighed. "Well, thank you for your time."

"Thank you, sir," Fisher replied. "And good luck." Gibbs turned away from the man and rejoined the team.

"What do you have for me?" he asked.

"ID says his name's Ryan Jacobs," Tony replied.

"Twenty-five years old, been dead maybe eight hours," Ducky informed Gibbs from the floor.

"Cause of death, Duck?" Gibbs asked.

"Well I really cannot tell at this point," Ducky began. "There are no wounds. Nothing that even suggests a struggle at all." Gibbs nodded and turned toward Ziva who was investigating around the shed.

"You find anything?" he asked.

"Not yet," she replied. "Whoever did this was good." Ziva continued searching. She walked all the way up by the road and didn't see anything until she reached the pavement. On the side of the street right on the edge of the grass, there were two drops of blood. "Tony!" she called. Tony hurried over to her.

"What?" he asked when he got there. Ziva pointed to the blood. Tony took a quick picture of it. "First piece of evidence yet. Good work." He gave her a quick wink and turned to head back to the shed.

"Well thank you," Ziva muttered sarcastically and turned around to look in his direction briefly. A couple seconds later, Tony looked back in her direction also and their eyes met. Ziva was expecting some sort of joke or sarcastic remark, but Tony did neither of these. A small, warm smile crossed his face, and he turned back away from her. Ziva turned back to the street, shaking her head, and swabbed a sample of the blood to take back to Abby.

"It looks like we're done here," Gibbs was saying when Ziva approached the rest of the team. "McGee, bag that padlock. He had to have busted it open; we'll get it tested for fingerprints." McGee obeyed the orders, and, realizing there was nothing left to do at the scene, Gibbs led them all back to the car.

McGee sat up front with Gibbs, so Ziva and Tony were in the backseat on the ride back to headquarters. Ziva was trying to fight the mixture of feelings she was experiencing. Tony was her partner and nothing more. There may be physical attraction, but that is all. After all, if Tony cared for Ziva as anything more than just a friend, why would he tell her when he was with other women? Ziva told herself that Tony did not feel anything more for her than friendship. She needed to believe that because she knew that she couldn't feel anything more for him than friendship either. She just couldn't allow herself to. Not after everything she had been through...

They arrived back at headquarters, and Ziva went to run the evidence down to Abby. In Abby's lab, Ziva told Abby about the crime scene and about how there had been nearly nothing there to find. The forensic scientist was frustrated by the lack of evidence she was expected to work with, but she promised that she would do what she could. Ziva thanked her and headed back upstairs. When she rejoined the team, she saw Gibbs and McGee sitting at their desks and Tony leaning against hers, so she approached him.

"What are you doing?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

"Waiting for you," he replied.

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"Gibbs wants us to question the wife," Tony explained. "You're with me." He winked at her again, and Ziva felt her stomach flutter slightly.

"I'm driving," she said firmly.

"No you're not," Tony smiled and opened his hand to reveal the keys dangling from his finger. "Let's roll." Ziva sighed and followed her partner to the elevator wondering what exactly laid ahead of them.

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"So, you guys weren't even dating or anything?" Raya asked as her grandmother stopped the story for a moment.

"No we were not," Ziva replied. "We were partners, and we were friends. That is how we had always been together; the flirting, the tension."

"But you do start dating, right?" Raya asked. Ziva smiled and looked at each of her grandchildren and her daughter.

"Just listen to the story, dear," she said. "I promise, all of your questions will be answered."

"Did you guys end up solving that case?" Collin asked, more interested in the crime aspect of the story. Ziva laughed.

"Didn't I just say to listen to the story?" she reminded him.

"Well it sounds like a hard case," Collin said.

"It was," Ziva nodded. "And that day, I had no idea that it would be the last case that Tony and I would ever work on together."

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**A/N:** There's chapter 2! I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! Here's chapter 3!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

Tony was driving down the street with Ziva in the passenger seat. She was facing straight ahead, keeping her eyes strictly on the road ahead of them. She knew she was attracted to Tony, but she always fought it back. Some days were easier than others, and this was proving to be a hard day. She wasn't sure why, although she did notice that he had constantly been the focus of her mind ever since he had entered work that morning talking about the woman from last night. Ziva kicked herself internally. She couldn't actually be feeling jealousy! No matter what she felt for Tony, she knew that she could not allow herself to act on it, so being jealous over him being with other women was surely not good. She sighed silently and sneaked a sideways glance at her partner from the corner of her eye. He was focusing on the road ahead and was unusually silent. There was also something about the way he was carrying himself in the car that seemed extra tense to Ziva. She wasn't sure why; he had seemed perfectly normal all day at work and at the crime scene. Why did he seem different in the car? She shook her head and tried to clear her mind as Tony pulled up in front of Ryan Jacobs' house. Tony and Ziva exited the car and walked up the pathway to the front door.

Upon reaching the house, Tony knocked on the door and waited a few moments for it to open. The door opened to reveal a distraught-looking young woman around Ryan Jacobs' age. She had shoulder length brown hair and her green eyes were puffy from tears.

"Mrs. Jacobs?" Tony asked gently. The woman nodded. "Special Agents DiNozzo and David. NCIS." He showed his badge, and Mrs. Jacobs let them inside. She led them to the living room and offered them a seat on the couch. She then sat opposite them in an armchair.

"Sarah Jacobs," she introduced herself. It was silent as Sarah dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, and Tony and Ziva shared a silent look, both realizing this was going to be a long and difficult interview.

"Mrs. Jacobs, we are very sorry about your husband," Tony began.

"Thank you," Sarah whispered.

"We apologize for intruding so soon after it happened, but I am sure you want to know exactly what happened to your husband," Ziva continued. Sarah nodded and the agents knew they had her full cooperation.

"Alright, what can you tell us about your husband?" Tony asked. Sarah took a deep, ragged breath and thought for a moment.

"He got home from Iraq almost a month ago," she began. "He'd been gone so long, and all I got was a month with him." Her voice broke and she wiped at her tears again. Tony and Ziva gave their silent sympathy to the woman.

"So he had only been back in the states for roughly a month," Ziva continued. "Did he have any enemies that you are aware of?" Sarah shook her head quickly.

"No," she stated positively. "Absolutely not. He was a good man, and he was always kind to people. No one he knew would have wanted to harm him." Ziva nodded and wrote in her notepad.

"If it's not too difficult for you, we'll need you to tell us what happened last night," Tony said. "Where did he say he was going?"

"He was just going out to meet some friends," Sarah replied and shrugged casually. "He and his buddies got together once a week and had drinks."

"About what time did he leave?" Tony asked.

"He left around four-thirty," Sarah replied. "They were going to meet up and grab some dinner then get some drinks. It was nothing unusual."

"Mrs. Jacobs, when your husband goes out once a week, what time does he usually return home?" Ziva asked. Sarah thought for a moment.

"The time is probably different each night, but I wouldn't know for sure," she replied. "I go to bed at midnight, and when he is out, he always comes back home after I'm asleep."

"So it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him to still be gone when you went to bed last night?" Ziva concluded.

"No," Sarah responded. Ziva nodded and wrote some more. Sarah studied Tony and Ziva for a moment and they could both tell in her eyes that there was something she wanted to know.

"How did my husband die?" she asked. Ziva was unsure of how to answer initially; nobody liked to hear that they hadn't determined how their loved one had died.

"We are doing everything we can to figure that out," she began. "As soon as we know something further, we will let you know." Sarah nodded. If she wasn't pleased with the answer, she didn't push the subject any further.

"Is there anything else I can do for you today?" Sarah asked, hinting that she wanted to be finished with the interview. Ziva looked through her notes quickly and determined that Sarah probably couldn't be of much more help.

"No, I think we have gotten everything we need for now," Ziva replied. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Jacobs, and we will be in touch when we find anything out." Sarah thanked them and showed them to the door.

"Do you think she is in on it?" Ziva asked her partner when they were on the road back to headquarters.

"No," Tony replied. "Why do you ask?" Ziva shrugged.

"It just would not seem unlike you to accuse the wife," she replied. Tony chuckled.

"No, she seems genuinely devastated about this," he said. "I didn't pick up on any type of guilt or tension or fear of being caught whatsoever."

"Neither did I," Ziva agreed. Tony didn't say anything else, so Ziva returned to staring out the window. A good three minutes passed before Tony broke the silence.

"So what are you doing after work?" he asked. Ziva's heart nearly stopped, and her stomach fluttered at the question. She was instantly angry at herself for having that type of giddy internal reaction to a simple question.

"Just going home," she lied. She never just went home after work. Tony nodded, sensing that she hadn't told him the truth. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," Tony shrugged. The rest of the drive was silent and tense, and Ziva wished she wasn't trapped in a car with this man at the moment. Relief flooded her body when they reached NCIS headquarters and exited the car. She took a long moment to breathe in the fresh air.

"You coming?" Tony asked, giving Ziva a puzzled look as he started toward the building. Ziva felt her cheeks blush for a millisecond and, hoping he didn't see that, she hurried after him. They reached their desks and rejoined Gibbs and McGee.

"Find anything out?" Gibbs asked.

"Jacobs had been home nearly a month from Iraq," Tony began. "He had no enemies and was just out for the night with his friends."

"So says the wife," Gibbs muttered. "Anything useful?" Tony shook his head.

"She just kept saying he was a good man and no one would have harmed him," Ziva replied. "She said that nothing unusual happened last night." Gibbs let out a frustrated sigh.

"Did anything happen here while we were gone?" Tony asked.

"Abby tested the blood Ziva took from the street at the scene," Gibbs replied. "No match." Just then, Gibbs' phone rang and he answered it. After a brief conversation, he stood and got the attention of his team again.

"Ducky's got something," he stated. He headed toward the elevator with his team closely following. They arrived down in autopsy and were greeted by Ducky.

"What do you have for me, Duck?" Gibbs asked as the sliding doors opened.

"You recall that I said there were no wounds or external signs of trauma or struggle on our marine here?" Ducky began.

"Yes I do," Gibbs replied. "You have the cause of death?"

"Indeed I do," Ducky replied. "It appears that our young Mr. Jacobs here was killed with by poison."

Tony and Ziva shared a look and they both knew what the other was thinking. Sarah had said that Ryan had gone out with his friends for drinks. Maybe the enemy that Sarah was unaware of what, in fact, one of her husband's friends.

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**A/N:** There's chapter 3. I hope you liked it. Please remember to review and tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! I'm glad you're all liking it so much!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

Gibbs had let them go for the night, and it was now nearing ten o'clock. Ziva was sitting alone at a bar drinking. Although she hated to admit it, she had been drinking a lot more ever since her experience in Somalia. She tried her best to hide it from her coworkers because they wouldn't understand. Hell, sometimes she didn't even understand. All she knew was she had her good days and bad days. It was a very dark time for her, and she wished that she was able to confide in someone and share her feelings. Sadly, she couldn't allow herself to be so vulnerable. Instead, she allowed the alcohol to comfort her and ease the pain. It always made the horrific memories go away, if only for the night. At least she wouldn't be haunted by his eyes...his voice...his touch...

Ziva took a long drink from the glass in front of her and ordered another. Somalia had been the only time in Ziva's life that she had actually given up hope. She had accepted her fate and that was that. NCIS had believed her to be dead. Hell, on the inside, she was dead. There were times when she had felt like just a shell, being abused and just going through the motions. It was a nightmare. But then, Tony was there. He had not believed that she was dead and didn't give up until he had rescued her.

"_Couldn't live without you I guess."_

Those words were permanently engraved in Ziva's mind. It was the closest that she would ever hear from Tony that he cared for her. Even so, it was simply as a good friend or a partner. Nothing more. It was best that way, after all, because Ziva could never allow herself to be with him, no matter how strongly she felt about him. She downed her drink and tried to force her feelings away. Why did she continue to torture herself when she knew that what she longed for would never come?

"_You should have just left me alone."_

"_Yeah...tried...couldn't."_

Ziva actually felt tears begin to well up in her eyes at that memory. It was right after he said that, that he told her not to ask him anything she didn't want to know the answer to. What had he meant by that? She should have just asked how he felt...

Not that it mattered, Ziva reminded herself. She had ordered another drink and was halfway finished with it when the door opened behind her. She didn't look up when she felt someone standing next to her. It was normal for people to come to a bar at night, after all.

"Ziva?" said an all-too-familiar voice. Ziva froze, but didn't look up at him. Why was he here? He sat on the bar stool next to her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine," Ziva replied. Tony was silent for a moment and ordered himself a drink.

"Thought you were just going home after work," he said. Ziva chuckled lightly and looked over at him.

"Why does it matter?" she asked. Tony didn't answer, and Ziva knew that he could tell she was drunk. His face fell slightly, and Ziva detected many emotions in his eyes. Mainly concern and...guilt? No, she had to have had that one wrong.

"It doesn't," Tony replied. "So, what brings you to this bar this evening?" He was trying to make small talk, but Ziva didn't want any part of it.

"I would rather not talk about myself," she said, looking down at her drink. She was drunk, but she was still relatively well-composed. However, she feared that she may let something too personal slip if she talked to Tony.

"Okay," he said. He remained silent for a moment as Ziva began another drink. "Interesting case we have, isn't it?" Ziva nodded.

"They all are," she said. She downed half of her drink in one gulp, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Tony's eyes widen at the sight. She heard Tony tell the bartender to cut her off, and she didn't raise an objection. Ziva knew that she secretly liked the feeling of Tony looking out for her.

"So, uh-" Tony was cut off when Ziva raised her hand up to interrupt him.

"Tony, you don't have to sit here and babysit me," she said bluntly. She lowered her hand which had begun to sway back and forth.

"I'm not babysitting you," Tony replied. "And you're right, but I'm not here because I have to be, I'm here because I want to be."

"Why?" Ziva asked. Tony shrugged.

"I saw your car, and like I've told you before, it's depressing to drink alone," he replied. Ziva directed her gaze to the bar. It certainly was depressing, but for reasons that Tony could not even begin to know.

"It's sad, isn't it," Ziva said after a while, her words beginning to slur. Tony could tell that the alcohol was beginning to go into its full effect.

"What is?" he asked, cautiously watching his partner.

"They are so young, and she just lost her husband to murder," Ziva replied. Tony nodded, knowing that Ziva was completely drunk. Even if she ever did feel compassion toward a victim's loved one, she didn't voice it like that.

"Yeah, it's sad," Tony agreed. "But sad things happen. Bad things happen to people all the time." Ziva nodded her agreement and rested her elbows on the bar.

"I really don't think it's worth it," she said firmly.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Love," Ziva replied. "You spend all your time and give your whole heart to this person, and then eventually, one of you loses the other, and all the time and love you spent is gone. It was for nothing. Then you're just left with all this pain you cannot escape. It isn't worth it." Tony was silent for a long while, processing what Ziva had said. He had never heard her speak like that. Even if she was drunk, that had to be more than just alcohol talking.

"I disagree," he finally said. "I definitely think love is worth it. Yeah, you may have to deal with pain and heartbreak, but they say love is the ultimate high. I think if you're lucky enough to actually find and connect with someone on the level of actually being in love, any time you get with them is absolutely worth it." Ziva thought about what Tony said and shook her head.

"No, it's not," she said. Tony was silent for a long time, and Ziva felt him studying her. When he finally spoke, Ziva heard the caution in his voice.

"We're not just talking about the case anymore, are we?" he asked. Ziva froze again. She didn't respond; she just sat there. Finally, she began to rise from the bar stool.

"I am going home for the night," she said. Her feet touched the ground and she began to sway back and forth. Tony reached out to help balance her, but pulled back when Ziva's eyes met him with a glare. She took a step forward and fell backward into Tony.

"Ziva, stop," he said. "Let me help you. I'm driving you home." Ziva didn't even try to protest. The ride home was quick, and Tony walked her to her apartment and inside. He helped her get into bed and placed a trashcan next to her.

"You may leave now," she said. She looked at Tony and noticed hurt in his eyes briefly. That was quickly masked by strong concern.

"Zi, I can sleep on the couch. It isn't a big deal," he said. Ziva was shaking her head. There was no way she wanted him there when she woke up.

"No, I will be fine," she said.

"Are you sure?" Tony asked.

"Positive," Ziva replied. Reluctantly, Tony turned from her and walked to the doorway of her bedroom.

"Call me if you need anything," he said. Ziva nodded. He turned to leave again.

"Tony," Ziva called. He stopped and turned back to face her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Tony smiled warmly at her. He closed the door and left, very confused by Ziva's actions and concerned about her behavior. Neither of them had any idea what lay ahead of them over the course of just the next several days.

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**A/N:** So there's chapter 4! I hope you liked it. Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and all the alerts! Enjoy chapter 5!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

"That was nice of him," Raya said when her grandmother had finished telling them about the night at the bar. Ziva smiled warmly as she thought of Tony.

"Yes, he did a lot of nice things," she said. "He was a good person." Emily noticed as her mother's eyes went glassy, and she felt her heart go out to her.

"Why don't you continue the story," Emily suggested gently. Ziva was brought out of her thoughts and realized she had to pull herself back together and finish the story that would answer all of their questions.

"Did you even go to work the next day?" Collin inquired. Ziva chuckled.

"Yes I did," she replied. "It wasn't fun, but I was there."

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The next day, Ziva was sitting at her desk rubbing her temples. She and McGee were the only two there at the moment, and she actually preferred it that way. Gibbs wasn't around to bark out orders, and Tony wasn't there to distract her. It was a prime scenario for her to focus on paperwork. Too bad she was too hungover to worry about any of that.

Ziva thought back to the previous night and wanted to kick herself for some of the things that she had said. How could she have talked that openly about love with Tony? She had already been vulnerable, and she was lucky that she was able to control herself enough to not blurt out the feelings she had tried so hard to keep concealed. Still, she dreaded the sound of the elevator opening and seeing him across from her.

Much to Ziva's dismay, this happened very shortly thereafter. Tony put his things down by his desk and greeted McGee and Ziva. He noticed Ziva rubbing her temple with one finger and offered her a sympathetic, knowing smile before pulling a bottle of water out of his backpack and opening the top drawer of his desk. Tony dumped two Tylenols into his hand and crossed over to Ziva's desk.

"Here," he offered quietly. "Maybe it will help with your headache." Ziva accepted the water and pills from her partner and swallowed them silently.

"Thank you," she replied. Ziva noted the care and concern in Tony's eyes as he turned and walked back to his own desk.

Tony, Ziva, and McGee sat alone at their desks, working on their case. Well, McGee was working on the case. Ziva was staring down at her desk, massaging her head, and trying to clear her mind. God only knows what was on Tony's mind, but Ziva knew it wasn't his work. He wasn't even trying to pretend that he was working. Ziva felt his eyes and knew that Tony was openly watching her. She shifted in her chair, feeling a bit uncomfortable. She knew he was simply worried about her, but he was so distracting. Her mind flashed back to last night, and Ziva knew that is what Tony was thinking about as well. She felt her cheeks burn briefly and hoped that she wouldn't be put in an awkward situation with him that day. The last thing she needed was for Tony to want an explanation for anything that she had said. Suddenly, Gibbs turned the corner carrying a cup of coffee, the smell of which made Ziva's stomach turn over.

"Whatcha got for me?" he demanded.

"Boss, I checked Ryan Jacobs' phone records, and they're nearly empty," McGee began. "Last call was to Jonathan Brown."

"Got an address?" Gibbs asked.

"Way ahead of you," McGee said. He scribbled down the information from his computer screen and stood from his desk.

"That's good work, McGee. You're with me," Gibbs said. He crossed from his desk and stopped between Tony and Ziva's, noticing that Ziva looked ill. "Tony, you take care of her."

"You got it, boss," Tony replied. Gibbs and McGee exited to go bring in Jonathan Brown.

"So, how are you feeling this morning?" Tony asked almost immediately after the elevator door had closed. Ziva didn't hear a single trace of joking or taunting in his voice, and when she looked up at him, she saw the same expression of concern that had been there earlier.

"I am okay," she said.

"Are you?" Tony asked in a vague voice. Ziva stared at him, knowing he was referring to much more than her hangover, and also knowing that she wasn't going to discuss it any further.

"Yes," she replied firmly. "And just because Gibbs told you to take care of me does not mean that I need a babysitter."

"I know. I wasn't babysitting you last night, and I'm not babysitting you today," Tony said. Ziva shot him a harsh look telling him not to discuss last night. She didn't need that brought up.

"Why don't we just focus on the case," Ziva suggested. Tony nodded his agreement, and the two of them tried to get back to work.

Ziva still couldn't focus on work. Her head was pounding, although it was feeling slightly better thanks to the Tylenol that Tony had given her. Aside from that, she could sense Tony's presence. Just knowing he was a mere few feet away at his desk was enough to drive her mind and body crazy. She tried pushing those thoughts out of her head and turned to look out the window at the hazy sky. Ziva became lost in a daydream and wasn't brought back to reality until she heard Tony saying her name.

"What?" she asked, turning to face him.

"Ziva, what's wrong?" Tony asked, looking deep into her eyes from across the room. She held his gaze for a moment before shaking her head and looking down.

"Nothing," she replied.

"Come on, Ziva, it's something," Tony pressured her. He stood from his desk and walked over to hers. Ziva's breath caught in her chest as Tony knelt beside her.

"Do not worry about it," Ziva said. Internally, it was almost a plea. She needed him to leave her alone so that she could get over him.

"But I do worry about it. I worry about you. Especially after last night. Look, if there is anything you need to talk about, I'm right here," Tony offered. He waited patiently for Ziva to respond. She wasn't looking at him; she was avoiding eye contact because she didn't want to open herself up and show vulnerability like she did last night. It was a long silence before Ziva told herself that she wasn't being herself. If she was going to have any chance of getting herself over Tony and eliminating her feelings for him, she needed to be strong again. She took a deep breath and turned to look him in the eyes.

"Thank you, but I do not need to talk. In fact, I think it would be best for both of us if we never talk about any part of last night again," Ziva said firmly. She held her breath; it was one of the hardest things she had ever done, shutting Tony out like that. She watched as Tony nodded a silent understanding and stood from beside her. He walked back to his desk and got back to his own work. As Ziva watched him, she saw the disappointment in his eyes, and her heart ached for him. She told herself that she was doing the right thing, for her, for Tony, for everyone. Still, it didn't make the pain go away, not of shutting Tony out, not any of it.

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**A/N: **There's chapter 5. I hope you liked it. Please remember to review!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thanks for reading, here's chapter 6!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

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The rest of the time passed painfully slowly, and Ziva wished she could disappear. Sitting there, alone, with Tony after the night they had shared had been bad enough, but trying to suppress her feelings and then shutting him out the way that she had only added to the unbearable tension in the room. Ziva knew she had hurt him, but it seemed like the only way to get him to drop the topic. He certainly wouldn't have stopped on his own until Ziva gave in and talked. So, she did what she had to do.

Finally, Gibbs and McGee returned with Jonathan Brown, and Tony and Ziva went down to observation. The two of them stood on either side of McGee, careful not to speak or look at each other. McGee, feeling the tension, felt rather uncomfortable being between them and wondered what was going on. He knew better than to ask either of them.

Through the glass, they saw Gibbs enter the interrogation room with a full cup of coffee and sit opposite Jonathan Brown.

"Alright, Mr. Brown, why don't you start by describing your relationship with Ryan Jacobs," Gibbs began. Brown looked rather confused but answered the question.

"Ryan's my best friend. Why?" he asked. Gibbs studied his face for a moment, undoubtedly making Brown feel uncomfortable. "What's this about, Agent Gibbs?"

"When is the last time you spoke to him?" Gibbs asked.

"Well, that would be the other night when we went out for drinks," Brown replied. Gibbs nodded.

"Tell me about that night," he requested.

"Okay," Brown said. He ran a hand over his blonde hair and took a deep breath, still confused by the situation. "Ryan hasn't been home long, and like I said, he's my best friend. We missed out on a lot of good times while he was overseas, so we went out for drinks just so the two of us could catch up."

"Where did you go?" Gibbs asked. Brown gave Gibbs the name of a bar downtown. "And did you two leave together?"

"No," Brown replied thoughtfully. "My wife texted me saying she needed help with the baby, so I told Ryan I had to go. He was going to stay a little while longer, so we said goodnight, and I went home."

"What time did you leave the bar that night?" Gibbs asked.

"Early," Brown replied. "Probably around ten, actually." Brown was silent for a moment while Gibbs wrote his answers down. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him, and he inquired about the situation again. "Did something happen to Ryan?" Gibbs took a deep breath before answering.

"Ryan Jacobs is dead," he replied. Brown's face instantly turned ghostly white and he began swallowing hard.

"What?" he asked. "H-how did this happen?"

"We're doing all we can to figure that out," Gibbs replied.

"So-so you don't know?" Brown asked.

"Not yet," Gibbs replied. He thought it best not to shock Brown with all the details yet, including poison being the cause of death. "Didn't you find it strange that you hadn't talked to Jacobs since leaving the bar?" Brown, still in shock, shook his head.

"No, no sir," he replied. "It's not like we talked every day. We both had wives, and I have a baby. We had responsibilities." Gibbs nodded his understanding and let Brown have a moment to pull himself back together.

"You said the two of you were best friends," Gibbs recalled. "How long?"

"Since kindergarten," Brown replied. "We grew up together."

"So you would say you knew him pretty well?" Gibbs asked. Brown nodded.

"Better than anyone, sir," he replied.

"Would you happen to know if he had any enemies?" Gibbs asked. "Was there anyone who would have wanted to harm him?"

"I don't think so," Brown replied. "Ryan had a lot of friends. I can't place anyone who was an enemy. If he didn't get along with someone, that was that. He just stayed away from them. As far as I know, he wasn't having problems with anyone." Gibbs nodded and wrote his observations.

"What do you know about his relationship with his wife?" he asked.

"Um," Brown began. Gibbs watched as Brown pondered the question. "They weren't having problems. He and Sarah really loved each other a lot."

"I'm sure it was hard on the two of them with him being away for so long," Gibbs offered. "Did he mention any type of marital issues at all?" Brown shook his head.

"Not that I recall," he replied. Gibbs nodded.

"What about an affair?" he asked. Brown looked slightly surprised by the question.

"An affair?" he repeated. Gibbs nodded. "Um, n-no. No affair." Gibbs raised his eyebrows, unconvinced.

"Look, I know this was your best friend, and you probably want to protect his image the best you can. But, any information you can give us could help solve this case. So, I'm going to ask you again and I need you to be completely honest with me. Was Ryan Jacobs having an affair?" Gibbs asked sternly and waited for Brown to answer. Brown swallowed again and began fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Okay," he began. "There's this online dating thing called DateNow."

"DateNow?" Gibbs repeated. Brown nodded, and Gibbs wrote down the name.

"Anyway, Ryan and I and a group of us guys each created an account on it," Brown continued.

"Didn't you say at least you and Jacobs were married?" Gibbs asked. Brown looked down in shame.

"It's not what you think," he said.

"Then what is it?" Gibbs asked.

"Look, I do love my wife and son. And Ryan really loved his wife. And the other guys, they love their wives and girlfriends too," Brown began. "We made the accounts just for plain, innocent fun. We were just screwing around to see what we could get. It was nothing more than that. Just some random chatting with some girls. None of us ever actually met up with any of the girls on there." Gibbs nodded and finished writing down the information. He stood from the table and headed toward the door.

"Well, apparently it wasn't as fun and innocent as you thought," he said. "Because someone killed Ryan Jacobs."

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**A/N:** Well, there's chapter 6. Please remember to review and tell me what you think so far!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! Enjoy! 

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters. I only own what I make up.

0-0-0

In the squadroom, the team was focusing on finding Ryan Jacobs' killer. The information that Brown had given about the dating site was a great breakthrough. While the other three waited, McGee was on his computer accessing the DateNow website. He quickly pulled the website up on the bigscreen for the rest of the team to see.

"DateNow. Whether you're looking for true love or a weekend fling, we've got everything you need," Tony read from the screen.

"They guarantee a satisfying match within a week," Ziva added.

"Maybe you should make an account, Probie. End the dry spell you've been having," Tony said jokingly to McGee with a smile. He was quickly rewarded with a slap to the back of the head from Gibbs.

"Pull up Jacobs' account," Gibbs instructed.

"On it, Boss," McGee said. McGee pulled up Ryan Jacobs account and the team was shocked by what they saw.

The display picture was Jacobs, shirtless, showing off his muscles while wearing his dogtags. His relationship status was listed as single, and he stated he wasn't looking for anything serious or longterm, just a fling or random play. From looking at his profile, no one would ever guess that Ryan Jacobs was a married man. He appeared to be an attractive single Marine, using his physical appearance to lure in girls.

"Is there a way to see his activity with other users?" Gibbs asked. McGee went to work on his boss's request and within a minute, they were viewing Jacobs' interaction with every girl he'd messaged.

"Whoa," Tony sighed under his breath. There had to be at least seventy-five girls that Jacobs had been talking to.

"It looks like he interacted most with this girl," McGee said as he pointed the cursor at the woman he was referencing.

"Megan Williams," Gibbs read. "Bring up their messages." McGee did as instructed, and the conversation between Jacobs and Megan was on the screen.

In the beginning of the conversation, Jacobs and Megan has simply been flirting, calling each other attractive, and asking for pictures. The pictures they sent to each other became more and more revealing until they finally decided to meet up.

"It looks like they got together several times," Tony observed.

"Then they used this site to send dirty messages to each other and plan their next hook-up," Ziva added with acid in her tone.

"Maybe Jonathan Brown and the other guys never met up with any girls, but Jacobs spent a lot of time with this girl," McGee said.

"Good work, McGee," Gibbs said and left the squadroom.

"See," Ziva turned toward Tony, speaking very lowly so McGee couldn't hear. "He is a completely different person online than he was in person, and when his wife finds out, she'll be completely heartbroken. It just is not worth it." Ziva walked past him before Tony could speak and left him standing alone to think about her words.

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**A/N:** So there's chapter 7! I hope you enjoyed it! Please remember to review!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Here's chapter 8! I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

That night, Ziva was laying on her bed staring blankly at the ceiling above her. She wasn't tired, and for the first night in a while, she had no alcohol in her system. So, she just quietly laid there, counting the lines on the ceiling, so many things going through her head. Ziva couldn't remember a time that she had ever let a case affect her this much. She wasn't even sure why this one was. They had dealt with numerous cases involving infidelity, and Ziva had never related it to her personal feelings of love. She didn't know why she was changing like this.

Her mind reminded her of just how impacting this case was turning out to be. Sarah Jacobs had seemed like such a nice, innocent woman who was genuinely in love with her husband. She never questioned his whereabouts or his loyalty. In all reality, she seemed to be the ideal, caring, faithful wife. In return, she was dealt with a man who appeared to be everything she wanted. He seemed kind, loving, and faithful as well. Unfortunately, as it turned out, he had been living a lie with her. Ryan Jacobs had had a double life, and the other side of him, the side that Sarah never saw, was a single frat boy living in an adult's body. Clearly, Jacobs never thought twice about cheating on Sarah. It bothered Ziva to think that such men existed. How could someone be completely okay with breaking someone's heart like that?

With that very thought, Ziva's mind was redirected to the conversation she had had with Tony at the bar when she had told him that love is not worth the heartbreak of losing someone. When the person you love dies, you never get over it. But, after that person dies, finding out that who you thought they were was a complete lie? Ziva knew that she could never take that risk. She had been let down and screwed over by too many people throughout her life, and although she appeared to stay strong through it all, she was still human. She truly didn't know how many more disappointments she could withstand. This is why she knew she had to resist her feelings of love.

"That's easier said than done," Ziva sighed out loud, still staring at the ceiling.

If only all you had to do was tell yourself not to have feelings for someone... But, as Ziva knew all too well, that is not how emotions work. So, over the past several years, she had lied to herself and forced herself to simply hide her feelings for her partner. It was the most difficult part of her job; being around the same person day in and day out, knowing that she would do anything to be his everything, but also knowing that she could do absolutely nothing about it. A relationship with Tony would risk their friendship, partnership, jobs, and hearts. A breakup would ruin them.

Just then, the doorbell ringing brought Ziva out of her thoughts. She was puzzled, wondering who could be at her door, and laid in bed for a moment longer, debating on whether or not to answer it or let the person believe her to not be home. She then heard the person knock on the door. Sighing, Ziva decided to see who it was. She walked through the living room and opened the front door of her apartment and was stunned. If she had believed in coincidences, this would have been a big one. Once again, Tony arrived at the exact moment she was thinking about him.

"Hi," he said from the doorway.

"Hello," Ziva replied. They were silent, and Ziva could tell Tony was questioning whether he should have come over.

"May I come inside?" he asked finally. Ziva's internal battle over his question was quickly resolved as she stepped to the side, allowing him to enter. She shut the door behind him. The two of them stood in the hallway, both unsure what to say, both unsure what was even going on.

"How are you doing?" Tony asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Fine," Ziva answered simply. "Can't sleep." Tony nodded.

"Me neither," he said. There was another silence, and Ziva felt herself blurt out the question she'd been keeping inside.

"Why are you here?"

"Well," Tony sighed and paused a moment. "I was thinking about you." Ziva felt her heart stop as their eyes met.

"You were?" she asked as calmly as she could. Tony nodded.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay," he explained. "You've been acting different during this whole case, and I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," Ziva said, feeling slightly disappointed that he just wanted to talk about the case. "Really."

"Really?" Tony asked, unconvinced. "I've never seen you act this way, and we've had many worse cases."

"It's not the case," Ziva blurted out, instantly regretting her response.

"Oh? Then what is it?" Tony asked. Ziva shook her head.

"It's nothing," she lied.

"Zi, you just admitted that it's something," Tony said. Ziva was silent as she tried to figure out what to say.

"Okay, it is the case," she decided upon. Tony studied her face, knowing she wasn't being truthful with him. "I just do not like to think that even the seemingly best guys out there can be someone completely different from who they appear to be and not even think twice about hurting women who genuinely care for them." Tony looked deep into her eyes, and Ziva knew he believed what she was saying, but she could also sense him questioning her. Why were these feelings of hers suddenly making an appearance?

"Well you know, Ziva, some guys who seem like good guys really are good guys," Tony simply stated.

"Not that I've ever been with," Ziva muttered toward the ground, quiet enough that she thought Tony couldn't hear.

"Well maybe you are just looking in the wrong places," Tony said just as quietly, taking a step toward her. Ziva looked up, shocked that he had heard her and responded like that. Ziva regained her composure quickly and knew she had to be strong again.

"I am done looking," she insisted. "I have failed miserably, and I can admit that. I have accepted that I am really the only person I can trust, and I am perfectly okay with that."

'You're lying,' she instantly read in Tony's eyes, though he didn't say it.

"You trust Gibbs," he countered.

"Gibbs is my boss," Ziva replied. "I have no reason not to trust him. As for the rest of the men out there, it has been increasingly difficult for me to trust them since Somali-" Ziva stopped herself. She felt her heart drop into her stomach and wished that she could rewind and take that back. She had just gone way too far; Tony wasn't supposed to know that. That was too personal. How could she have slipped up and said that?

"You trust me, Ziva," Tony said softly. Ziva could tell by the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes that he was being sincere. He was genuinely concerned for her, and he was right, she did trust him.

"We are partners," she forced herself to say.

"Ziva," Tony began, taking another step closer to her. "I don't think tonight happened by chance."

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked.

"I mean, the fact that you were on my mind keeping me awake while you were here at home not being able to sleep as well is no coincidence. The fact that I am here talking to you is not happening by chance, and the fact that you are acting like this... Ziva, I'm here for you. You're my partner; you're my friend. I can tell you have something you need to talk about. All you have to do is let me in," Tony said. Ziva looked deep into his eyes and lost herself briefly. Yeah, Tony cared about her...as a partner. That's exactly what Ziva had thought. This conversation had already gone too far and gotten too personal, and now Ziva had to end it before more was said.

"You're right," she said. "We are partners, which is exactly why I _can't_ let you in. Thank you for your concern, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

To Ziva's surprise, Tony didn't argue with her. He simply sighed, shook his head and rolled his eyes before turning toward the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back to face Ziva. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, decided against it, and looked away to open the door.

"Good night, Ziva," Tony said in defeat before closing the door. Ziva locked it and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat before heading back to bed.

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"Why weren't you just honest with him, Grandma?" Raya asked. Ziva smiled at how interested her granddaughter was in the romance aspect of the story.

"I guess it was because I had always been used to keeping my true emotions inside," Ziva replied. "Which, of course, is not the right thing to do. You should never be ashamed to share how you really feel."

"Did you know how he felt about you?" Raya asked.

"Well, I thought he only cared about me as his partner," Ziva smiled. "But sometimes when you're focusing so hard on keeping your feelings hidden, you miss the feelings that others are trying to share with you."

"I want to hear more about the case!" Collin interjected, getting bored with the emotional part. Ziva laughed.

"Of course, there are still a lot more questions that need to be answered," she nodded. Ziva smiled lovingly at her daughter and grandchildren before continuing on with the story.

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**A/N:** Well there's chapter 8. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm trying to balance the story out with chapters involving the case and chapters involving the emotional aspect. Let me know what you're thinking of it!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and alerts! I realize I'm updating a lot, but it's to make up for my lack of updates over the past few months. Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 9!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

The next day came all too soon for Ziva who had only gotten maybe three hours of sleep the previous night. She couldn't get her mind off of Tony after he'd left. Why had he shown up at her door like that? Why was he being so personal and trying to get her to talk? These were the questions that had kept her awake all night. She had hoped that her alarm clock sounding that morning was just a dream and she could go back into her slumber, but unfortunately, it was not. She forced herself to get out of bed and prepare for work, leaving fifteen minutes earlier to stop and get some Starbucks before arriving at work. When Ziva had arrived at work, she was the last to get there and was informed by Gibbs that she and Tony would be questioning Megan Williams. Ziva had fought back her internal objection and decided to be as professional as possible, though it was becoming harder and harder to do so.

So, as Tony and Ziva entered the interrogation room that morning, neither said anything to each other. Ziva was glad that they knew each other well enough to have an unspoken agreement on how to handle their situation. Ziva had also decided to let Tony do most of the questioning, and she stood off to the side while her partner seated himself across from Megan.

"Can I ask why I'm here?" Megan asked rudely as Tony sat down. He studied her face for a moment.

"What do you know about the website DateNow?" Tony asked her.

"What, you want relationship advice or somethin'?" Megan mocked him, smiling and raising her eyebrows. "'Cause honey, you don't need no website." Ziva felt a pang of hatred toward the woman as Megan winked at Tony.

"I'm not sure where you think flirting with me is going to get you, but I suggest you just answer my questions," Tony said firmly. Ziva was slightly surprised; ordinarily, Tony would be amused by this behavior and do all but flirt back...hell, in some cases he may even do that. Megan was clearly taken aback by his response.

"Fine. Ask me one," she said.

"Do you have an account on the website DateNow?" Tony asked.

"No," Megan replied shortly. Tony stared into her eyes, almost looking through her, and Ziva could tell Megan was becoming uncomfortable.

"You're going to learn real quick that liars don't go unnoticed here. I'm going to ask you again and I suggest you tell me the truth," Tony said sternly, his patience with the woman decreasing rapidly. "Do you have an account on the website DateNow?" Megan was silent, glaring daggers at her interrogator.

"Yes," she finally replied bitterly.

"Thank you," Tony sighed.

"But last I knew, having a little fun on the internet isn't a crime," Megan spat. Tony ignored her.

"Do you know Ryan Jacobs?" Tony continued.

"Doesn't sound familiar," Megan replied thoughtfully. Tony let out a long, angry sigh.

"What did I _just_ tell you about lying to me?" he asked, trying to suppress the anger.

"What makes you think I'm lyin'?" Megan demanded.

"We have proof that you two interacted several times," Ziva stepped in, offering her partner support. Megan looked back and forth between Tony and Ziva and rolled her green eyes.

"Fine, we may have emailed once or twice," she replied. Tony opened the folder on the desk and pulled out Ryan Jacobs and Megan Williams' messages from DateNow.

"It looks to me like you've emailed more than once or twice," he said, placing the conversation in front of the suspect. Megan glanced over the papers and realized she could no longer deny knowing him.

"So? What the hell do you care about my sex life?" she demanded.

"So you admit to having sex with him?" Tony asked. "Because a few minutes ago you couldn't remember his name."

"Look, it was a once-in-a-while hook up. Just for fun," Megan explained. "We'd meet up, fool around, have sex – great sex – and get on with our lives. The emailing was just fun and got us in the mood for the next time. We weren't in a relationship, but what's the crime in two young people having good, fun, no-strings-attached sex?"

"Were you aware that the man you were having this 'good, fun, no-strings-attached sex' with was married?" Ziva demanded, fury obvious in her voice.

"Yeah, so what?" Megan replied. "You act like he's the first man to cheat on his wife."

"How does it feel to be a homewrecking whore?" Ziva spat at Megan, her blood boiling and her eyes flaming. Megan was taken aback by this outburst, and Tony was shocked. He stood up, facing Ziva, and put his hands gently on her shoulders, leading her away from the table to the corner of the room.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes," Ziva replied, not meeting his gaze. "Her attitude is just despicable."

"I know," Tony agreed. "Maybe you should just take a few minutes to calm down."

"Hello?" Megan called from the table. "Can I go now?" Tony sighed and turned back toward the suspect.

"No," he replied, walking back to his seat. "We aren't finished yet."

"What do you want to know now?" Megan asked, exasperated. Tony pulled out the pictures of Ryan Jacobs from autopsy and laid them in front of her.

"Ryan Jacobs was murdered," he said. Megan's eyes filled up with fear and disbelief.

"What?" she exclaimed. "How?"

"Poison," Tony replied. They were silent for a moment as Megan processed the news in front of her.

"You-you think I did this?" she asked. Tony shrugged.

"Give me reason to believe otherwise," he challenged her. "You haven't been very honest with me. What are you trying to hide?" Megan was vigorously shaking her head.

"No, you have it all wrong," she said. "I didn't kill him."

"That doesn't give me any ideas as to who did," Tony said.

"Well, what if my..." Megan trailed off. "No, that's not possible."

"What's not possible?" Tony asked. Megan looked at him for a long moment before saying anything.

"I was going to say...what if my...well, what if someone found out and was angry about it. But that's not possible," Megan replied vaguely.

"Are you trying to say you're married?" Tony asked. He studied the girl's face while she was silent.

"Yes, I'm married," she finally relented. "But I swear, there's no way Todd could have found out about this. I'm very careful, and...just, no. Todd wouldn't kill anyone anyway!"

"That's for us to figure out," Tony said as he stood from the table. He and Ziva entered observation where McGee and Gibbs had been watching the interrogation unfold.

"What do you think, Boss?" Tony asked.

"There's no way her husband wouldn't have caught on," Gibbs said. "I want him in here."

"On it," Tony replied and he and Ziva turned to bring in Todd Williams for questioning.

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**A/N:** There's chapter 9! I really hope you're enjoying it! You're one chapter closer to solving the case and learning the mystery of Tony and Ziva! Any guesses before it's all revealed? We've got 6 chapters to go before all your questions are finally answered! Please remember to review!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and alerts! Here's chapter 10. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

A little while later, Tony and Ziva were standing alone in the observation room while Gibbs and McGee were getting coffee. Todd Williams sat alone in interrogation looking rather confused. He had not caused a struggle when the agents showed up at his house to bring him in for questioning, but he had appeared puzzled even then as to why they were asking for him. Now, while Todd was awaiting his interrogator, Tony and Ziva were supposed to be watching him, taking notice of his behavior as his waiting time increased. As they stood there, though, Ziva's mind was racing. She had done a decent job of concealing her feelings for Tony that day. To her knowledge, Gibbs had not caught on to her feelings, and if he had, he had not said anything about it. She was not surprised that Gibbs was oblivious though; her feelings for Tony had been present for years, after all. They were simply growing too hard to handle. She reflected briefly over the past several years and thought about how hiding her true feelings for her partner had grown more difficult after he saved her from Somalia. She knew she was playing with fire when it came to her feelings; if Ziva was honest with Tony, it could destroy their relationship and the dynamic of the team. Yet, if Ziva continued keeping her feelings inside, she did not know how much longer she could handle working with Tony every day. Her thoughts were interrupted by Tony's voice.

"I know I've been asking you this a lot lately, but are you okay?" he asked. Ziva sighed and did not respond. "The way you acted in interrogation today was really unlike you."

"I just got a little carried away," Ziva replied. "It happens."

"Look, I just know it's not like you to act that way during cases," Tony said. "I know there's something bothering you, and I know you want me to believe that you don't want to talk about it. But I know you, and I know you're burning to let it out. So, whatever it is, whatever you need to say, Ziva, I'm right here. You can talk to me about anything."

"Tony, why are you _so_ concerned?" Ziva asked sternly, looking at her partner. "For days, you have been pushing me to talk to you about something that I obviously don't want to talk to you about. Why can you not let it go?"

"Why am I concerned? You're my friend, Ziva. I care a lot about you. I hate seeing something eating at you this much. And we're partners, so when something affects you, it affects me too," Tony replied. "I don't like seeing you conflicted like this, and I want to help you."

"I see," Ziva whispered. She had listened to everything that Tony had said, but three words kept ringing in her head. '_You're my friend._' Ziva just wished it was more than that.

"Talk to me," Tony said quietly, taking a step closer to her. Ziva looked up and saw the care in his eyes again. She had never met a man so sincere in her life, and she hated that she had to keep lying to him.

"It just bothers me to see people lie and hurt people like that," she said lamely. "That is why I lost it in interrogation with Megan."

"But that had to be triggered by something, Ziva," Tony said softly. "We've seen lies before; we've seen hurt before."

"But after everything that I have seen and lived, it means more to me now," Ziva whispered. She saw as the realization hit Tony. He still did not know everything that happened to Ziva in Somalia, but he now knew that every case post-Somalia that dealt with hurting women had triggered feelings inside of Ziva that continued to build until she was nearly overflowing.

"Zi, you have been through a lot, and I know it has changed you," Tony began.

"You do not know the hell that I went through," Ziva said, forcing memories out of her head.

"You're right; I don't. I don't know everything that happened, but I know that you have never been the same," Tony replied.

"I never will be the same," Ziva whispered. Tony nodded. "I do not know if I can ever trust a man to get as close as I have in the past. On top of what happened to me, so many days at work I have to see men hurting women...not the way that I've been hurt. But it still just adds to what I have been through."

"I know that," Tony said softly. "And if I could go back and prevent all of that from happening, I would. There are so many things that I would change if I had the power to, but I can't."

"No one can," Ziva whispered, looking at the floor. Tony took another step toward her and placed his finger under her chin to lift her head back up to face him.

"I hate that you've been through what you've been through, and I hate that what you see affects you like this, but I promise you, not everyone is like that," he said just above a whisper. Ziva looked deeply into his eyes and saw his sincerity. She opened her mouth to speak, but she and Tony were startled by the interrogation room door opening as Gibbs finally walked inside to question Todd Williams. Tony backed a couple steps away from Ziva as McGee opened the door to the observation room to join them.

"Todd Williams," Gibbs said as he sat opposite of the suspect.

"Yes, sir," Todd nodded.

"Special Agent Gibbs," Gibbs introduced himself.

"What is this about, exactly?" Todd asked. Gibbs sighed and folded his hands on top of the folder that he had brought in with him.

"Do you know a man by the man of Ryan Jacobs?" he asked. Todd shook his head instantly.

"No," he replied. Gibbs studied his face for a moment and thought he was lying.

"Are you sure?" Gibbs asked. Todd hesitated a moment and shrugged his shoulders, avoiding eye contact with Gibbs.

"What do you know about the website DateNow?" Gibbs asked.

"I don't have a DateNow account if that's what you're trying to get at," Todd said defensively. Gibbs shook his head.

"That's not what I'm trying to 'get at' at all," Gibbs replied. "But I take it you've heard of the website."

"Yeah," Todd replied.

"Mr. Williams, are you aware that your wife, Megan, has a DateNow account?" Gibbs asked. He studied Todd's face as Todd struggled with how to answer the questin.

"I...well-"

"Just answer the question," Gibbs said firmly. "Did you or did you not know that your wife, Megan, has a DateNow account?"

"Yes, I know about it," Todd replied reluctantly.

"And how do you feel about it?" Gibbs asked. Todd was silent and breathed hard for a moment.

"How would you feel if your wife had an account on a dating website?" Todd blurted out. "Megan doesn't know that I know she has one. I found it by accident on the computer. It was in the history; she hadn't cleared it."

"Did you look at her account, then?" Gibbs asked.

"I did," Todd admitted. "And I was disgusted. She was displaying herself as a single woman looking for hookups, Agent Gibbs. I was furious."

"I'm sure you were," Gibbs said. "Did you look at who she'd been messaging?"

"She had messages back and forth with a couple different guys, but no I didn't read them," Todd replied. Gibbs nodded, unsure of whether he believed this or not.

"So you were unaware of Megan's affair with Ryan Jacobs?" Gibbs asked.

"I saw that they had talked, but I didn't know there was an affair," Todd replied quietly. Gibbs offered a smirk.

"I thought you said you hadn't heard of Ryan Jacobs," he said. The color drained from Todd's face when he realized he had just contradicted himself. "Why don't you try being honest with me."

"Okay," Todd sighed.

"I'm going to ask you a couple questions again, and I think it will be in your best interest to answer them truthfully," Gibbs said, and Todd nodded. "Did you read Megan and Todd's messages?"

"Yeah," Todd said reluctantly.

"And how did you feel?" Gibbs asked.

"Betrayed. Furious," Todd replied. "She's been hooking up with this guy."

"And you felt like you had to do something about it?" Gibbs asked.

"Of course I felt like that," Todd replied. "What guy wouldn't? I just didn't know what I should do. I didn't know if I should confront Megan about it or what."

"What did you decide to do about it?" Gibbs asked. Todd was silent for a moment and let out a long breath.

"Nothing yet," he replied. "I plan to confront Megan about it. I can't be with an unfaithful women, Agent Gibbs." Gibbs nodded, and they sat in silence for a moment.

"Ryan Jacobs was murdered," Gibbs stated finally. Todd's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

"What?" he asked. Gibbs opened the folder that his hands were resting on, and he pulled out the picture of Jacobs from autopsy to show Todd.

"Poison," Gibbs explained.

"And I'll bet you think I did this, don't know?" Todd asked.

"Did you?" Gibbs asked.

"No!" Todd exclaimed.

"You did have a lot of anger directed toward him," Gibbs pointed out. "I'm sure you justified killing him with the fact that he was destroying your marriage."

"No, I didn't kill him, Agent Gibbs," Todd insisted. "But I am glad that bastard's dead. At least whoever did this is ensuring that this guy can never destroy another marriage." Gibbs nodded and finished the interrogation.

"DiNozzo, Ziva, I want you at the Williams' house," Gibbs ordered when he entered the observation room. "Search it, find me something."

"You think he did it?" Tony asked.

"Something's telling me that he's guilty," Gibbs replied. "Now, we just need to prove it."

0-0-0

"Was he guilty, Grandma?" Collin asked when Ziva paused. Ziva smiled at her grandson's interest.

"Well if I tell you that, it would ruin the rest of the story," she replied. "I may not have even said the killer's name yet."

"Well keep going," Collin insisted. "I want to hear more!"

"All right," Ziva smiled. She cleared her throat and prepared herself to tell the rest of the story to her daughter and grandchildren.

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**A/N:** Well, I hope you all enjoyed chapter 10! Only five more chapter! Please remember to review and let me know what you think so far!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** So, after more than a year of writer's block, I have completely rewritten the rest of this story, and I am confident it is now ready to share. I hope you are all ready for the rest of this story, and I apologize for the delay. Here is chapter 11!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

Tony and Ziva arrived at Todd and Megan Williams' house. It was an average sized, middle class home with a decent sized yard. Once inside, Tony and Ziva found themselves in the living room. The room was a moderate size, clean, but Ziva noticed there were not many decorations around. She didn't see any pictures on display of the two of them, and she wondered if Todd and Megan's marriage has been suffering.

"I'll take the back of the house," Tony offered and walked through the doorway to the kitchen.

Ziva walked down the hallway to the master bedroom. She wasn't sure what she would find, or even what to really look for, just anything that may suggest that Todd Williams could be responsible for Ryan Jacobs' murder. Inside the bedroom, Ziva saw a queen sized bed, a nightstand on each side of it, and two dressers. She noted that the couple didn't share a dresser, but each had their own. She crossed the room and started going through the drawers of the first one which she established as Todd's based on the male undergarments. She didn't find anything abnormal or even remotely suspicious. Next, she looked through Megan's dresser. Still, she found nothing of any interest, until she reached the bottom drawer. Ziva pulled out a small shoebox and wondered what could be inside. Should she be expecting to see the poison that had killed their victim? Or was it simply full of keepsakes? Ziva opened the box and found it to be full of photographs. She thumbed through them; all of the pictures were of Megan and Todd having fun, on vacations, horseback riding, swimming, kissing, and looking genuinely happy. This left no doubt in Ziva's mind that this couple was, in fact, happy at one point in time. But, the fact that Megan had been cheating on her husband and kept all of their pictures secluded in a box in her dresser left no doubt in Ziva's mind that this happy time in this couple's relationship had ended. She closed the box and returned it to the drawer.

"Find anything?" Tony asked as he entered the room.

"Nothing in here," Ziva replied. "You?" Tony shook his head.

"No, this place is clean," he replied and Ziva nodded. "Guess we should get back and see what else is going on."

"Yeah," Ziva agreed and followed him out of the house and back to the car.

The drive back to headquarters had been quiet since leaving the Williams' house, and Ziva was uncomfortable with that. She looked over at Tony who had not spoken, and she felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. Deep down, she knew he had only been trying to help every time he asked her if she was okay. She also knew that he didn't believe her constant insistence that everything was fine, but he knew how stubborn she was. He was such a good man.

"Tony," Ziva said softly.

"Yeah, Ziva?" he asked.

"I want to thank you for being so concerned for me here lately," she said. Tony looked to face her, quite surprised by what he had heard, and rightfully so.

"Well, you're welcome," he replied.

"I know that I have not been easy to deal with lately, but I have a lot on my mind," Ziva explained. "It is not that I do not trust you. I simply want to figure things out on my own first, before I say anything to anyone else. That way, I will not have to worry about saying things I don't mean." Tony nodded, a slight hint of confusion present on his face.

"Well, Ziva, you know if you ever need anything, I'll be right there for you," he said. "And whatever it is that you need to figure out, I hope you're able to, and I hope it can make you happy."

"Me too," Ziva replied quietly, looking back at the road. The rest of the drive was silent.

"What'd you find?" Gibbs asked as soon as Tony and Ziva returned to the squadroom. Tony took a deep breath to prepare the answer which would not make Gibbs happy.

"Nothing," he said. "The house was completely normal. There was nothing to suggest any involvement."

"Great," Gibbs sighed, clearly frustrated. He ran a hand through his silver hair and leaned back against his chair.

"What do you want us to do now, boss?" Tony asked. Gibbs shrugged.

"Go home," he replied.

"Sorry?" Tony asked for clarification.

"Go home," Gibbs repeated. "We've got nothing right now. Go home, get some sleep, come back tomorrow ready to solve this. Clear your mind. Come back with something to go on."

"You got it," Tony smiled. He, Ziva, and McGee gathered their belongings from their desks in preparation to leave for the night. As they started toward the elevator, McGee hung back to return to his desk for something. Tony and Ziva entered the elevator without him.

"So, I was thinking," Tony began. Ziva looked up him with her full attention.

"Yes?" she asked.

"How would you like to go get some dinner with me?" Tony offered.

"Now?" Ziva asked, looking at her watch. She then noticed it was actually prime dinner time.

"We're out of work early. I have no plans, and as far as I know, you have no plans," Tony said, shooting her a playful questioning look.

"I could have plans," Ziva countered.

"Do you?" Tony asked. Ziva was quiet for a moment. She couldn't lie about something this minor.

"No," she replied.

"So go out to eat with me," Tony repeated. "We haven't gotten to actually spend time together outside of work for who knows how long." Ziva thought back to their two most recent encounters outside of work, and she knew they hardly counted as "spending time together."

"You are right," she agreed.

"So what do you say? Just give me one evening. It sure beats spending the rest of the night alone and eventually ordering take-out," Tony pointed out with a smile. Ziva knew he was right. She had also just apologized in the car for her behavior, and she wanted him to know she meant it. She also longed to be able to spend time with Tony. As long as she was careful not to let anything slip, the night could be quite enjoyable.

"Okay," she gave in.

"Great," Tony smiled. The exited the elevator, and Ziva felt a combination of anxiety, excitement, and worry. She hoped nothing would go wrong that evening.

0-0-0

"So, was it like a date?" Raya asked. Ziva chuckled.

"I was determined to not let myself think of it as such," she replied.

"But it was, wasn't it?" Raya pressed on. Ziva just smiled and repositioned herself in her recliner.

"Why don't you just let me tell you what happened that night," she said. Ziva smiled, thinking about that night. Like she had told her granddaughter, Ziva had had no intention of that evening with Tony turning into a date…but it did. And it had ultimately been the best date of her entire life.

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**A/N:** So there's chapter 11. Stay tuned for the next chapter when you'll finally get to see some progression of Tony and Ziva! I hope you enjoyed this, and please remember to review!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and alerts! I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoy chapter 12!

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any original characters.

0-0-0

"So, I had driven home, and Tony had driven to his place. We were both going to change and get ready for dinner, and Tony was scheduled to pick me up in one hour," an elderly Ziva explained to her daughter and grandchildren.

"You were nervous?" Raya asked. Ziva smiled in reminiscence.

"I had no intention of it being a date," Ziva replied. "Or so I thought. Tony and I had known each other a long time and cared a great deal for each other. We had spent so much time together and had had dinner or drinks together before. But for some reason, this time was different."

0-0-0

"No, I can't wear that," Ziva muttered to herself as she rummaged through her closet. She had already showered and curled her hair and was searching for the perfect dress, one that she would look nice in but not appear as though she was expecting the night to turn into anything. Something casual that one would wear out with a friend.

"Why did I agree to this?" she asked aloud as she pushed another handful of hangers to the side. Ziva finally settled on a simple deep blue dress, the hem cut a few inches above the knee.

"It will have to do," she said, looking at herself in the mirror after dressing. A little while later, she heard a knock on the door.

"Right on time," she muttered, and she crossed her apartment to the front door. Before opening it, Ziva took a deep breath to calm herself and reminded herself that it was only Tony, a man that she had spent every day with for years, and it was only dinner. Finally, she opened the door to reveal Tony standing there, designer suit as usual, but looking exceptionally handsome.

"Wow, Ziva," he said, his eyes widening. "You look great."

"Thank you," Ziva replied with a smile, which Tony returned. They stood in the doorway, holding eye contact for a moment, and Ziva felt her heart skip a beat. Finally, she broke the silence. "So, where are we going?"

"Well," Tony began, clearing his throat. "I have a place in mind." Ziva closed and locked her apartment door and walked next to Tony out of her apartment complex and down to his car.

Tony drove for several minutes, and Ziva looked out her window at the people on the sidewalk, the street lamps that were just beginning to come on as it was turning to dusk, and the sun that was beginning to set. They arrived at a small, quaint restaurant downtown. The entire back wall of the restaurant was made of glass, and it overlooked the city. Tony and Ziva were sat at a table along that back wall. Moments later, they had given their order to their server and were alone to take in the beauty of the setting sun over Washington DC.

"Listen Ziva," Tony began, finally breaking the silence that had been between the two of them since the car ride. "I didn't ask you here tonight to try and get you to talk about anything you don't want to talk about. I asked you here to hopefully keep your mind off of whatever is bothering you. Don't feel obligated to tell me anything. I just want to have a nice, normal dinner with you."

"I appreciate that," Ziva said. She was then quiet for a moment longer. "But why is it so important to you?" Tony shrugged.

"I guess I was hoping that if I could take your mind off of whatever is bothering you, I might be able to see that smile of yours again. I do miss it," he explained. Ziva felt her body becoming warm and her heart rate increased slightly.

"You are being very…sweet, Tony. It is almost unlike you," Ziva said. She felt herself wanting to give in to his charm and confess her feelings, but she knew she was still too scared to let that happen. The risk of their relationship failing had too many great consequences.

"Yeah well, this is a side of me that not many people get to see," Tony replied.

"Then, why me?" Ziva asked. She felt the butterflies in her stomach as she waited for his reply, and she wanted to kick herself for feeling like a school girl with a crush.

"Because you're special to me. I can let my guard down around you," Tony replied. He was silent for a moment before adding, "And because you deserve to know how a real man treats a woman." There was silence at the table again as Ziva let Tony's words sink in. She knew that he was being sincere. Ever since she had met him, she had known there was something about this man that she was drawn to. And ever since Somalia, they had shared more and more intense moments and conversations. But Ziva knew how important Tony was to her and that anything going wrong between the two of them would be more painful than anything she had ever experienced.

"It is beautiful," Ziva said, looking out at the sunset over the city. Tony turned to look as well. The setting sun allowed for the perfect combination of pink, blue, and purple. It was as if the city lights were shining under a water-painted sky. The view was simply breath-taking.

"Yeah it is," Tony agreed. As Ziva continued to gaze at the natural beauty outside, she felt Tony's eyes shift their focus to her. When she turned to meet his gaze, she saw an expression in his eyes that she had never seen directed toward her before.

"Yes?" she asked, just above a whisper.

"You look really beautiful tonight," Tony replied softly. A warm sensation flowed through Ziva's body, and she felt goosebumps. She couldn't control as her lips formed her first genuine smile in months.

"There it is," Tony said just above a whisper.

"How can you tell the difference?" Ziva asked just as quietly. Tony's own lips formed one of his signature half-smiles.

"Because when you smile like that, there's a certain sparkle in your eyes. Your whole face lights up. You light up the whole room, and then it's like you're the only person in it. You can't fake a smile like that. It's truly breathtaking," Tony replied in a low voice. Ziva could not believe what she was hearing. How could she keep hiding everything from this man when he has been nothing but honest with her?

"Tony, I-" Ziva was interrupted when the server returned to their table.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said as he politely delivered the bill. Tony handed it back to him with his credit card and returned his attention to Ziva.

"Yes, Ziva?" he urged her to continue. She opened her mouth to speak, but the butterflies caught the best of her, and she knew she would be unable to open up to him at the time.

"Would you like to come back to my place, and we can talk in private?" she asked. Tony smiled, and Ziva knew his answer was yes.

"Of course," he said, confirming so. The server returned Tony's credit card, and after signing the slip, he and Ziva left to return to Ziva's apartment.

Once inside Ziva's apartment, Ziva poured the two of them each a drink, and she and Tony seated themselves on her couch. As much as she wanted to return to their conversation from the restaurant, Ziva had no idea how to start or what she should even say to Tony.

"Thank you for taking me our tonight," she said. Tony smiled and sipped his drink.

"The pleasure was all mine," he replied. Ziva looked down at her glass and swirled the liquid inside it for a moment.

"Tony, you know that I trust you," she began. Tony nodded. "And tonight you said that you can let your guard down around me. I really want to be able to let mine down as well."

"You're doing that right now, Ziva," Tony said softly, and she shook her head.

"I want to be able to let it down and not have to fight to keep it down," Ziva explained. "Every time I start to feel comfortable and relax a little, I remember that it is dangerous, and my guard comes right back up. I want to be able to be honest with you, like you are with me." Tony nodded and was silent for a moment.

"I understand," he said.

"You do?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah," Tony replied. "Ziva, you've been hurt. You've been hurt in ways that no one should ever experience, and in ways that I wish I could erase for you. The way you feel, everything you just said, isn't your fault."

"But how can I ever overcome it?" Ziva asked.

"Just like this," Tony replied quietly, moving ever so slightly closer to her on the couch. "You can overcome it a little bit at a time. I want to help you, Ziva. All you have to do is let me in."

"Tony…" Ziva's voice trailed off. Her feelings were going crazy inside her. Her heart was pounding, and her palms were sweating. Tony was getting too close, and ordinarily this is when her guard would shoot back up and she would shut him down. This time, she closed her eyes and fought to regain control of her emotions and keep her guard down.

"Ziva," Tony whispered. Ziva opened her eyes and saw Tony's just a few inches away from her own.

"Tony, I don't want to be scared anymore," Ziva whispered. She saw in Tony's eyes that he knew how vulnerable she was, and she knew there was no turning back.

"You don't have to be scared," Tony said gently, "Of anything. Just let me be here for you, and I'll help you through everything."

"Every time I start to feel better, I look in the mirror, and I see his face," Ziva said. "I get out of the shower, and I see the scars. I hear his voice in my dreams and I wake up. I'm haunted, Tony."

"Ziva, I wish I could have gotten there sooner," Tony admitted.

"No, do not do that to yourself. The fact that you came at all…you saved me," Ziva smiled.

"Well, I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't do everything I could to bring you back," Tony replied.

"You said you couldn't live without me," Ziva whispered, the memory playing in her head.

"And you know I meant it," Tony said, and Ziva nodded. "Ziva, you are such a strong person, but even the strongest people need someone to lean on. I'm right here."

Ziva looked deeply into Tony's eyes. She finally felt safe and at home. She saw his sincerity and knew he truly cared for her. In his eyes, she saw the honesty of a man who would never hurt her, and she owed it to Tony to give him a chance. No matter how scary the thought of taking such a risk was, the thought of never knowing was even scarier.

"Ziva, I have never noticed how beautiful your eyes are," Tony said, just above a whisper. Ziva saw Tony's face inching closer to hers, and felt her face doing the same. She closed her eyes, and in an instant the whole world stood still as their lips locked. Ziva felt her heart pounding through her chest, and she placed one hand on Tony's knee and the other on the back of his neck, intertwining her fingers in his hair. She felt Tony's hands on either side of her face and neck as well. After a long moment of passion, Tony and Ziva pulled apart, and Ziva opened her eyes.

"Tony, that was incredible," she whispered. Tony smiled a smile that made him look more handsome than Ziva had ever seen.

"Yes it was," he agreed. "Thank you for letting me in, Ziva."

"Thank you for being here and caring enough to open me up," Ziva replied. "Would you stay with me tonight?"

"Zi, I would love to," Tony answered softly. "I just don't want to take advantage of you."

"You won't," Ziva whispered and smiled reassuringly.

"Alright," Tony smiled back. They stood from the couch, and Tony pulled Ziva in to embrace her. Ziva wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and laid her head against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. She sighed deeply, thankful that she was finally able to show Tony how she felt. She finally wasn't scared anymore to admit what she was feeling. She knew that if any man could help her move past what she had been through, it was Tony, and she knew that he would do just that.

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**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to review, and I'll post more soon!


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